In our new series called, ‘I need advice’, we bring you pertinent questions that real-life people have asked in publications around the world. These are hard-hitting issues faced by men and women today. The questions could range from family, relationships and work, to abuse and sex.
Here is today’s question:
My husband and I are poles apart. I could be hurting, and in desperate need of support and love, but he would never notice, and even if he did, he wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
I thought having kids may change his behaviour toward me, but two kids later - nothing has changed. I have recently given birth to my second son, but it was during my pregnancy that I reconnected with an old college flame.
It began with some simple Facebook messages. He seemed to care. Especially during my pregnancy, while my in-laws are super supportive, my husband rarely even asked me if I was okay, or if I was in pain, or if I needed anything.
But he did.
He would contact me everyday to ask if I was feeling alright. We would speak for hours about my husband. He would advise me on what I should do to gain his trust, make him love me. He would give me tips.
Our conversations then moved to his family, his wife. We live in different countries. But the way we talk, it seemed like he is close to me.
I thought, especially post delivery, I would lose interest in him, but rather, we have grown more close than ever before.
We both are living in unhappy marriages, we both are desperate for some companionship and love. We both cannot and will not leave our current families. So if this is called an extramarital affair, so be it.
I can never split my family in half - and my in-laws are so good to me. If I find any joy, it is only because of them and my sons.
But my heart belongs to him, not my husband.
Am I wrong to think this way? What should I do?