I need advice: My husband is ‘cheating’ on me; but what of my dreams, plans?

·3-min read
Girlfriend asking for explanation of her boyfriend sitting on a couch in the living room in a house interior with a dark background
My husband is ‘cheating’ on me; what of my dreams, plans? (picture for representational purposes only)

In our new series called, ‘I need advice’, we bring you questions that real-life people have asked in publications around the world. These are hard-hitting issues faced by men and women today. The questions could range from family, relationships and work, to abuse and sex.

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Today’s question was sent to us from a user. If you have a question, please write in to us at sendyourstory@yahoo.com.

I request this open forum to help me with my problem.

My husband and I have been married for 3 years now. We dated for 5 years before we tied the knot. While we were dating, he used to flirt with other girls over chats, exchange indecent pictures and share life updates with them, etc. I caught him two-three times with different girls, but every time he asked for forgiveness and I gave him a chance as he never had a physical relationship with any of them.

I married him thinking things will get better, that he will get better.

From January 2020 (that’s what he confessed after getting caught), he started flirting with an office colleague. They switched jobs together and moved to another company, started having lunches and coffees together daily at work, started going to the gym together after work, and would stay on calls with each other for 5-6 hours daily via their official chatting app. This happened over a period of six months – as per his confession.

I had been suspicious of my husband’s ‘friendship’ with this girl for long now, but every time he would put me down saying that I was narrow-minded, and that she’s just a friend. I confronted him sometime back and asked him to show me his emails and call records and found extremely colourful details of his affair!

He says he was never physical with this girl, and that they would just casually flirt with one another. Given the amount of time they spent together, I find it hard to believe.

He says he has no feeling towards her and says he wasn't thinking 'straight'. He says that he never thought of the consequences and that he just played along.

I informed his parents of his deeds, and they forgave him relatively quickly and asked us to work on our relationship. But I am finding it hard to do so. I cannot stop thinking about the fact that I am still as easy-to-replace for him as I was. I cannot digest the fact that he thought it was okay to cheat on me.

We had planned our life together, and if I leave him, all my plans will come crashing down.

My parents will be devastated to hear this. I don’t want to hurt them, and I also don’t have the guts to tell them all this.

Most of you will advise me to leave him, but what about my dreams, my plans, and my life ahead? What about the idea of love and marriage? I am scared of being divorced and the shame and stigma that comes with it.

Should I work it out? If yes, then on what terms?

What is your advice to her? Tell us in the comment space below. Please be mindful of your comments.

More on ‘I need advice’, here.

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Do you have a problem that is worrying you? Write in to us at sendyourstory@yahoo.com. We will feature your question in our ‘I Need Advice’ column.