Brace yourselves, Great British Bake Off fans, for possibly the most disastrous Technical Challenge in the show’s history, ending in Paul Hollywood storming off from the judging table.
Pretty much everyone had a terrible week in the tent, but we’ve never seen anything quite so bad as this episode’s blind task.
However, be warned if you haven’t seen the result yet – the baker sent home was a huge shock.
Last year featured the inaugural vegan week in the Bake Off tent, but 2019 has seen the pendulum swing back towards animal products with the show’s first ever dairy week.
In other news, Helena’s voice is back! And it isn’t the Geordie or Scottish version that Noel Fielding offered to order her from the internet last week.
The Signature Bake
In celebration of all things dairy, the bakers kicked off with a cake made using cultured milk – although very few of them seemed clear on why that was a good thing (spoiler: because it’s delicious).
Phil proved once again to be a man after our own hearts as he announced: “It’s full fat all the way, here.”
"Full fat all the way"— Andy Stanley (@AndyStan1006) September 17, 2019
Phil is my spirit baker #GBBO
Fun fact: in case you were wondering which truck Phil drives, it’s a 44-tonne fuel tanker, and he’s never run anyone over, although he has “done a few pigeons”.
Some fancy tins caused the most tension we’ve seen in Bake Off yet this series – Michelle managed to smash the cake stand while turning hers out, and poor Michael left half of his cheesecake swirl bake stuck in the tin.
Our hearts broke as Michael burst into tears yet again when Paul and Prue Leith told him the cake was delicious regardless, and Sandi Toksvig was on hand for a big hug.
Sat bawling my eyes out watching Michael cry over his cake. Peak bake off feels #GBBO— elleyunson (@elleyunson) September 17, 2019
It’s still Halloween at Helena’s bench, where she kicked off with a ghost cake and has already started planning her future with fellow goth Noel.
Who won the Technical Challenge?
Get ready for the worst Technical ever seen on Bake Off...
This week, the bakers were tasked with making a Tudor treat: maids of honour, full of a lemon curd cheese.
Just in case you hadn’t noticed that making baking curds looks a little like vomit in a sieve, Michael was on hand with some handy sound effects.
Priya suffered one of the biggest Technical disasters we’ve seen so far when she completely miscalculated the timings, only partly baked her maids of honour, and presented just a few of the 10 required cakes, with some tipped upside down, which the judges refused to even taste.
She was far from the only baker in trouble though. Paul turned his back on the judging table and went to storm out of the tent, declaring: “They’re awful. They’re really bad.”
when everyone’s technical bake is THAT BAD that Paul Hollywood looked like he was ready to leave the tent himself 😬 #GBBO— Lemon Mango! ✨ (@lemonmangoes) September 17, 2019
Maybe Noel wasn't joking when he said Paul was binning off 9 of them this week. #gbbo— Megy. (@meganevekilv) September 17, 2019
Unsurprisingly, Priya came last, but Steph was sort of triumphant when she was deemed the best of a bad bunch and managed to win the Technical by being slightly less awful than the others.
Prue and Paul changed things up from the usual gargantuan bakes for this challenge, by asking the contestants to make a mishti centrepiece, a selection of milk-based Indian sweets.
Again, the stress levels were high, particularly for Henry, who was this challenge’s victim when his kulfi refused to set in the freezer and he was forced to serve up melted ice-cream puddles.
The highest praise Prue could muster for Henry was “you’d eat it if you were given it”, while Henry added: “As a prisoner, maybe?”
Prue also had a backhanded compliment for Phil’s gnome garden, telling him: “The rest of them are all so classy, they couldn’t do it.”
Who won Star Baker?
The race for top position was on between David and Steph this week, with Steph even dissing her rival’s lack of fringe when it got to the point where they could smell the Star Baker title.
Eventually Steph was named the crème de la crème in a week that could have seen pretty much anyone who wasn’t her or David go home.
However, we can all be in agreement that the real star of the week was the duck and her gorgeous ducklings, who stole the show in every scene.
Who went home?
Well, this one was a bit of a shocker for both the viewers and the bakers.
Priya’s week had been pretty disastrous, especially during the Technical; Henry looked a sure bet to be in the bottom few; and Michael was in tears for most of the episode over his failed bakes.
So the contestant going home in dairy week was... Phil?
The news was such a surprise that he couldn’t manage a gracious loser face, and even Paul admitted he had good reason to think it was an odd decision.
Ok, his gnome mishti weren’t exactly a Bake Off classic, but we don’t feel his exit was at all deserved.
That was the biggest shock ever! How did Phil go in #GBBO. They didn’t even taste Priya’s technical!— Chantelle (@ChantelleKay13) September 17, 2019
Phil@lookd genuinely shocked and I am not surprised. Should have been Priya or Henry #GBBO— Elaine SImpson-Long (@randomjottings1) September 17, 2019
The Great British Bake Off continues on Tuesdays at 8pm on Channel 4