Healthy relationships require constant honest communication. And what can be especially tricky, is navigating two people's conflicting emotions. What if you come home from work all positive after a productive day, and your partner's sat on the sofa feeling miserable? How do you deal with the person you love is in a bad mood? Here, women are sharing how they know their partner is feeling low, and how they cope/work it out either together or separately.
1. "We do this thing where we don’t call out the other person but we jokingly pretend we’re the grumpy one. So if he’s in a bad mood I say, 'I’m sorry I’m so grumpy'. And that’s how I let him know his mood is visible and felt by me. He’ll change his demeanour or say something like, 'It's OK I'lll just give you a little space to be grumpy,' meaning he’ll go to another room so he’s not filling the home with his grumpiness. It works well for us because this way it’s light hearted and silly and it makes the other person realise that they’re not being subtle." [via]
2. "It doesn't happen often, but he gets quiet. Normally he's gregarious and silly, so it's very noticeable when something is bothering him. I usually ask if he's OK, to give him a chance to vent or tell me about it if he wants to. If he doesn't want to talk about it I just give him a hug or kiss his cheek and go about my business. He's pretty good at recognising and regulating his feelings on his own and he snaps out of it pretty quickly." [via]
3. "My partner Matt throws what I affectionately call 'Matty tantrums'. He basically has to rant about whatever is bothering him and then gets over it pretty quickly after that. I usually just listen and make comforting comments." [via]
4. "He can be grumpy when he gets home from work. I can tell because he gets quiet and tense. I used to make a big deal out of it because he wouldn’t talk to me about what he was feeling. I would try to drag it out of him but it was pretty counter productive. Now I realise it’s usually not about anything, he’s just grumpy and tired, so now I just give him a kiss and leave him alone until he comes to find me." [via]
5. "I can tell instantly when he does not feel well. I'm not sure how, but I just seem to sense it. Usually I will ask if he is OK. If he says 'no', I ask if he wants to talk about it or not. He always tells me if something's up, but he doesn't like repeating the same shit every time. I'll give him an extra kiss when I pass him or squeeze his hand and pop a smile. Bring him a nice cold drink or get him something from the supermarket that he enjoys. It's the little gestures that help for him. Occasionally I'll suggest to drive somewhere and go for a walk to clear his head. If he does have something he wants to talk about, I patiently wait for him to find the words. I understand that he finds it difficult to express himself. I also take a moment to look him in the eyes and tell him I love him." [via]
6. "He is a really great guy and normally very cool, calm and collected. If he is in a bad mood he gets snarky or short. I ask him if anything is on his mind and I validate his feelings and just give him the space to talk it out. It’s not easy and he was definitely opposed to it at first. I think he was made to feel like he just has to deal with it and carry everything himself." [via]
7. "Bottom line: I tell him we are a team, I’m here to help him with problems (not create more), and it’s OK to have feelings. Sometimes I listen, sometimes I offer advice, and sometimes I offer a distraction. He's the calmest, most tolerant man ever, but when there's something bothering him, he will get crabby with me (only me, nobody else) and have a strop over the smallest of things, usually when I've asked him to do a chore. I deal with it by telling him to drop everything he's doing and give me a huge bear hug.
"I say, 'Right, tell me what's bothering you'. He knows he can't bullshit me so we have a big talk about it, come up with a plan of action and then we both feel better. I think some people (men in particular) need permission to open up and allow themselves to vent, moan, let their guard down and be vulnerable. My husband is such a positive person that I think he needs me to tell him it's OK to fall to pieces and have a good strop/whinge/cry every once in a while." [via]
8. "He 'checks out', maybe he focuses deeper on his phone, or just seems distant. I usually ask if he is OK. If he’s upset, I then ask if he wants some space. He usually says yes. Then I just give him a couple hours without me starting a conversation or asking anything. Then I ask if he’s feeling better. If so, I’ll ask what was up. We talk about it a bit." [via]
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