Irrfan Khan Death Anniversary: Son Babil Khan Shares Slipping Into Depression And Having Suicidal Thoughts After Losing His Father, ‘There Was No Will To Wake Up, I Was Very Suicidal’

·4-min read

It's been a year today after we lost a gem of an actor, Irrfan Khan, leaving behind his sons Babil and Ayaan and wife Sutapa Sikdar. The family kept the actor alive in our lives by sharing some unseen videos, pictures and his thoughts that made the late actor have a special corner for him in our hearts. In conversation with Times of India, his elder son and budding actor Babil opened up about having suicidal thoughts after he lost his father, after he slipped into depression.


Narrating a painful day when his late father was hospitalised for his treatment, he said, “For the first few days, Mom was like how is that he is taking it so well? I was running around, doing everything, making sure everything was fine at home and at the hospital. It was really bad, though. I can’t explain the amount of pain he was going through when he was conscious.” Talking about it in details he shared his father wanted him to stay back in the hospital room, he shared, his father yelling at him, “Babil, tum kahin mat jao mujhe chhod ke!”


Adding further he said, “I particularly remember when they were going to put a catheter, and asked me to leave the room, and he almost yelled, ‘Babil, tum kahin mat jao mujhe chhod ke!’ They pulled me out of the room and he screamed my name. I never felt that much pain and helplessness. I just stood there outside, hearing him scream my name. I dealt with it well in that moment, but after he passed – initially, Mumma was surprised how well I was taking it – but two days after he passed away, I crashed. I just crashed.”


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Shutting himself off and slipping into depression, he had suicidal thoughts running on his mind, “Everything shut off. I went into deep, deep depression. I can’t even explain. There was no will to wake up. I was very suicidal…” ALSO READ: Irrfan Khan Death Anniversary: Actor’s Son Babil Khan Shares A Rare Photo Of 'Baba' Along With A Handwritten Note From June 2018; Pens 'Nobody Can Ever Replace Him'


While he thought of having no motive to live anymore, his mother was the strength to the family. He further shared that his mother was a solid support to his late father as well. “I was done. I didn’t have any will to live. I still struggle with it a lot. And at that time, Mumma was the strength. She has always been the strength of our family. Throughout Baba’s career. You know everyone’s like Baba was this, Baba was that – but Baba wouldn’t have been anything without Mumma, she’s been the strength of the family,” he added.

He also opened up on missing his father to see him act, recalling one of the times when he acted when he was in his 8th grade. He also shared being one of the extras in his father’s movie Qarib Qarib single. ALSO READ: Irrfan Khan's 1st Death Anniversary: 'I Am Going To Die' Is What The Actor Said In His Final Days To Son Babil Khan


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Speaking about the joy his late father had watching him act in front of the camera, is simply heartwarming. “He saw me act once, though ( laughs)! I was assisting the camera team in Qarib Qarib Single. There was this shot where me and my then-girlfriend, we had this one second shot as extras. And he was so excited to see me in front of the camera, he just took over ( laughs)! He wouldn’t even let Tanuja ma’am say ‘action’ also! He took over everything, he came to say ‘action’, I saw this joy on his face, I can’t explain it to you…I would have loved for him to watch me,” added Babil. ALSO READ: Irrfan Khan's 1st Death Anniversary: From Relishing Pani Puri To Taking A Dip In Ice Cold Water, When Babil Khan Shared Fond Memories Of The Late Actor


Babil Khan will mark his acting debut with Anushka Sharma backed movie, Qala starring Tripti Dimri.

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Image Source: Instagram/irrfan/babil.i.k


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