Within first year of my marriage, I had to undergo abortion. It was followed by the feelings of sadness, pain (more of sentimental), loss and regret. A loving bond with my unborn child that had started nurturing , had to breakdown within few weeks . Today, I express my emotions in this letter to my Unborn Child.
I held you inside me for few weeks, but didn’t get a chance to hold you in my arms. I felt your heartbeat inside me, but couldn’t welcome you in the world.
God didn’t give us a chance to cuddle each other, but the memories of your little movements inside my tummy are afresh in my mind. Your little kicks didn’t hurt me but used to bring smile on my face.
We were growing our emotional bond when God suddenly changed his plans. We were not allowed to continue our love for long but the bond we made even in those few weeks, is precious for me, and it always would be.
When doctor laid me on hospital bed, a long instrument was used to dislodge you from me. I know that the pain you felt must have been much much more than me.
But my dear baby, I was helpless. I felt paralyzed to save you. My helplessness flowed in the form of tears. I am so sorry that I couldn’t save you my baby! I still don’t know whether you were a girl or a boy but I loved you so much my dear.
Even today, after so many years, occasionally I am reminded of that attachment and love which then sneaks out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks, sometimes wets my writing papers. I do wipe away that liquid love but it feels impossible to ever be able to wipe away the love I had with you, as you were my first child, although Unborn Child.
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