My life in sex: the woman in a polyamorous marriage


I met my wonderful, loving husband at 18 and married him at 20. That was 16 years ago, and while we’ve had a fabulous, supportive marriage, the sexual side of things had begun to grow stale. A couple of years ago, we decided to spice things up by visiting sex clubs together, a mutual decision that excited us both.

While attending the same event, we both met other people we really connected with. It was completely unexpected, but we now consider ourselves polyamorous. My husband is still my soulmate, and I can’t imagine life without him, but I have an amazing boyfriend, as well. I also have a new best friend – my husband’s wonderful girlfriend.

Related: My life in sex: ‘Once I would have called a woman doing what I do a slut’

At first, we expected to feel some jealousy, but it never arose. Within the polyamorous community there is a word for the opposite emotion, “compersion” – the feeling of joy that someone else is happy. Now, the four of us consider ourselves a family and share holidays, nights out and celebrations, as well as supporting each other through the tougher times. In addition, we give each other permission to see others casually for sex, as and when the desire arises.

It may not be for everyone, but our new-found situation has brought us closer. The trust between us is unbelievably strong, and we know we are together because we love each other very much. There are no secrets and communication is better than it has ever been. For us, it’s about making the choice to be together, while enjoying and exploring all the wonderful, sensual opportunities that life brings.

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