Looking for a lover

I am aware that I am a grossly overweight girl and have a lot of challenges with food addiction. However I am also witty, talented and doing well professionally. I have dating issues with no one willing to take things further than just be ‘good friends’ with me. I so badly want romantic companionship and mutually fulfilling sex. Is my weight going to come in the way of having happiness in a relationship? Is the body the only attraction index? Do my brains and wit and income count for nothing? What should I do?

- You started your question with the words ‘I am aware’. In keeping with that theme, let’s deepen that awareness with honesty. To be overweight is to be unhealthy. This is not my personal opinion. This is what science and medicine has to say on the subject. Overweight people compromise their internal organs, stamina and longevity.

To make matters worse, an overweight body can cause a host of complications to one’s general health and even emotions. Overweight people are prone to hormonal imbalances that cause moodiness. Let’s not worry about the visual aesthetics of a well-toned or slim body for now. That comes later. However, it would be naïve to ignore that ‘one’s body’ plays a role in setting the bar for how one is being perceived socially. People have neither the time nor the inclination to invest the energy/emotion it takes to really get to know someone personally.

Usually, the way a person carries himself/herself, their weight or sense of style is seen as a quick indicator of how much importance a person places on looking a certain way. Appearances may be deceiving but they can often be revealing as well. Grooming consultants and stylists earn a living out of giving people an ‘edge’ in how they appear. They’d are that ‘good looks are everything’. I would propose that good looks or pleasing aesthetics do give a person an edge socially. Is it fair? Is it unfair? It is what it is. The counter argument that ‘all types of bodies are beautiful’ exists and holds true in the ‘self-acceptance’ debate and that makes for a valid perspective.

However, appreciate all perspectives and work with the information you have. Not everything can be explained with a ‘Yes and No’ answer. There’s value to the ‘let’s stand against body shaming’ debate but this must not steal away from the fact that you owe yourself good health because bad health bears heavy costs on the body, mind and bank balance. Bad health is also a liability on your near and dear ones. Understandably, the ‘good friend’ zone is still the ‘friend zone’ as perhaps these people would like to be with someone they consider healthy and aesthetically pleasing. An overweight body may be seen as unappealing by many people but always remember that your body is merely the shell that houses various aspects of your personality.

Give yourself time and ask yourself if you are willing to invest in your looks and general health. It is absolutely natural for you to yearn for romance and sex in your life but you are going to have make choices on what’s important to you. Your weight may hinder your ability for sustained sexual pleasure since overweight people have many stamina related, muscle related and libido related issues and irregularities. While your wit, talent and professional competence are squarely to your credit, it would be unfair to not mention that an overweight body may lead to you be seen as someone who doesn’t take control of and care of her health.

Don’t forget that the body cannot survive without the mind and the mind cannot survive without the body. An overweight body also leads to lethargy, drowsiness and even worrying mood fluctuations. So what are you going to do – now that you have all your facts in place?