Louis Tomlinson says he’s been to hell and back over the last two years recovering from the back-to-back the deaths of his mother and 18-year-old sister.
The British singer, who rose to stardom in One Direction, opened up about the “dark side I’ve gone through” and hitting “rock bottom” in an interview with The Guardian. His mother, Johannah Deakin, lost her battle to leukaemia in December 2016 and his younger sister, Félicité Tomlinson, died of an accidental overdose in March.
“That whole dark side I’ve gone through, it sounds stupid to say, but it gives me strength everywhere else in my life, because that’s the darkest sh** that I’m going to have to deal with,” said Tomlinson, 27, “So it makes everything else, not feel easier and not less important, but, in the grand scheme of things, you see things for what they are, I suppose.”
He spoke about what he learned about himself while navigating with his heartbreak.
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“I keep going back to it, but I don’t know if it’s a combination of where I grew up and my mum’s influence, but I just have this luxury of being able to see the glass half-full no matter what,” he said.
As the oldest of his mother’s seven children, “There’s no time for me to be sat feeling sorry for myself,” Tomlinson continued. “I’ve been to rock bottom and I feel like, whatever my career’s going to throw in front of me, it’s going to be nothing as big or as emotionally heavy as that. So, weirdly, I’ve turned something that’s really dark into something that empowers me, makes me stronger.”
The “Two of Us” singer also credited his fans for helping him carry on.
“I’m sure every artist says this, but I do believe it. We’ve been through some dark times together and those things I’ve been through, they carry a weight, emotionally, on the fans as well,” he said. “And I felt their love and support. I remember really clearly when I lost my mum, that support was mad.”
Before changing the topic, Tomlinson added, “I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. That’s not how I feel for myself. Somehow it fuels me.”
Earlier this month, an inquest into Félicité’s death was heard and it was determined that the teen died of an accidental drug overdose. The aspiring fashion designer was pronounced dead inside her London apartment on March 13 after taking a “perfect storm” of cocaine, Xanax and oxycodone. According to testimony, Félicité had a long history of drug use following the death of her mother.
During the inquest — which Tomlinson did not attend — it was revealed that the star made multiple attempts to help his sister overcome her drug use, including accompanying her to doctor's appointments. She had also been to rehab.
Tomlinson’s mother was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia in early 2016 and died within the year.