Pull the other one! Top 10 modern Christmas cracker jokes revealed

Chris Wiegand
Photograph: Rischgitz/Getty Images

What do Donald Trump, Santa and Olivia Colman have in common? No, it’s not a joke – but all three feature in the winning gags of a national competition to find the best topical Christmas cracker funnies.

A joke about the US president was deemed the funniest, while British politicians Jeremy Corbyn and David Cameron and the Swedish activist Greta Thunberg also feature in the highlights. It is the seventh time that the TV channel Gold has run the annual competition, which challenges the British public to tweet their best efforts. Entries were shortlisted by a panel of judges led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults to reveal the winning jokes. Here are the Top 10:

1. Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn’t get on with China.

2. Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

3. Christmas dinner is a lot like Brexit. Half the family were told they needed to make room for Turkey, so opted to leave Brussels.

4. Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints.

5. What is Coleen Rooney’s favourite game to play over the festive period? Guess Who?

6. Why doesn’t Jeremy Corbyn ever visit Santa? Because he struggles in the poles.

7. Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? Because she’s a swede dish campaigner.

8. What’s the difference between Rudolph’s nose and David Cameron’s autobiography? Only one will be red at Christmas.

9. What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island? A melt.

10. What is Olivia Colman’s favourite part of a turkey? The Crown.

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