Queer people are sharing what confuses them about straight dating and...well... yeah

Paisley Gilmour
·5-min read

From Cosmopolitan

Dating - especially right now - can be an absolute minefield for people of any gender or sexuality. But any queer person who has straight female friends will know that dating cisgender straight men can be a total nightmare. We often hear our lovely, smart, funny friends talk about the soft ghosting, negging, and zombieing they're subjected to and just don't get it. Of course, LGBTQ+ people have their own dating issues. But here are the dating and sex practices and habits of straight people that just absolutely baffle us...

1. "Putting up with men who make no effort to please you in bed, or who do make an effort but do it badly and without listening to the instructions/suggestions/requests of their partner(s). I understand that pickings are slim out there, and that straight men as a group are not renowned for their sexual skill and conscientiousness (I'm bi, I date straight men sometimes too), but I think being in the queer dating scene opened my eyes to how ridiculous it is to tolerate a partner who's wilfully thoughtless about my pleasure when I could just... not." [via]

2. "Seriously, why does 90% of straight people's comedy boil down to complaining about your significant other? You all are aware that you can just leave a relationship, right? The whole point is to be together with someone who you actually, you know, like." [via]

Photo credit: Adrian Rodriguez Garcia
Photo credit: Adrian Rodriguez Garcia

3. "Accepting that 'men are just like that' when they exhibit extremely low emotional intelligence. There are at least three women I work with who talk about the way their boyfriends communicate and/or respond to emotion, and every time I end up thinking 'How is she OK with that?'" [via]

4. "When people are upset about their partner having friends of the opposite gender." [via]

5. "Why do men always pay on dates? Why are men the ones who are supposed to make the first move? Why doesn’t the woman ever propose?" [via]

6. "The way they go with the man's name 99% of the time. What if the woman's is cooler? Why do your genitals have anything to do with which name you use? I agree with sharing a name but what a dumb way to decide." [via]

7. "How many people join into monogamous commitments knowing they can't keep them." [via]

8. "Not communicating and playing mind games. Like damn, y'all ever considered just talking about your feelings?" [via]

Photo credit: PHOTO MIO JAPAN
Photo credit: PHOTO MIO JAPAN

9. "The one that hurts me the most to see is the really lovely women in my life downplaying their feelings or dulling their personalities so they seem 'chill' to guys. Whether it's holding back on showing how interested they are, agonising for months about whether to have the 'what are we' conversation or, worst, not communicating about hurt feelings, it just makes me want to pull my hair out." [via]

10. "Some straights don't see oral sex as sex. Oral is the best part! Also they're fine with having sex just for 15 minutes?" [via]

11. "I think the dynamic of straight couples and each other’s parents is kind of weird. Like there’s this pressure to impress the other’s parents, and there’s this pressure from the parents to have this plan of marriage, and babies, and a house, but it’s never about what the couple wants. Like, who cares what your parents think about your partner? Your dad doesn’t like them so what? All that matters is you’re happy with each other." [via]

12. "I find it baffling when the straights avoid 'embarrassing' situations with their partners. Things like condom/tampon/pad buying, doing laundry (especially period underwear), farting, not looking good, being sick etc. If you're going to be together forever you're going to see a lot of nasty crap they do, better to get it out of the way early! There's also something comforting/intimate about being able to be at your lowest with someone and trust that they will help you back up." [via]

Photo credit: Anchiy
Photo credit: Anchiy

13. "Women compromising on their wants and needs because ‘men will be men’, unnecessary rules and norms like men paying for first dates, buying women flowers and being the ones to propose, gender-based power dynamics during sex." [via]

14. "Banging away for three and a half minutes with all the finesse of a jackhammer isn't going to make her come. There's so, so, so much more to sex than penis-in-vagina penetrative sex." [via]

15. "This whole concept that when a guy compromises on something, or doesn't want to engage in activities that his girlfriend is uncomfortable, he's suddenly 'whipped'. Since when does respecting your partner make you whipped?" [via]

16. "I'm a lesbian but for a while I dated men while I was younger and still in denial about being gay. I have an MSc. Every guy I dated made a comment along the lines of, 'I like you even though you're intelligent and challenge me'. They said it as if it was a bad thing and something that was unattractive in a woman. Since then, I've seen so many of my straight female colleagues who are intelligent and educated hide it or revert to a less vocal version of themselves around their male partners. When I started dating women, these qualifications made women like me more!" [via]

17. "Why aren't they allowed to find other people good looking? Me and my boyfriend have similar taste in men and women, so whenever we see someone hot we usually point that out and continue on our lives. It's not that big of a deal." [via]

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