Sexolve is equal rights activist Harish Iyer’s Q&A space on FIT.
If you have any problems, doubts or queries regarding sex, sexuality or your relationship, which you can’t seem to deal with, or need some advice, answers or just someone to hear you out – write in to Harish Iyer, and he’ll try and ‘sexolve’ it for you. Drop in a mail to email@example.com.
This week’s Q&A is below:
‘My Wife’s Vaginal Opening Is Huge, Is She Cheating?’
Let me straight away get to the point. I am in great tension. My wife is cheating. I have been in bed with many women and usually the vagina is small and I can feel my penis getting inside it. My wife’s vaginal opening is massive. Sometimes my penis faces very little friction while penetrating. I don’t enjoy it, so I visit other women for this pleasure. I got married recently, just seven months ago. And this is something I discovered in the first night itself. I feel so cheated. I wanted a virgin woman and she said that she didn’t have an affair, but then how is her hole so huge? Her anal opening is also not so small. How can this happen if she was not cheating with not one but many men? I also should add that she did not bleed when I entered her for the first time. I doubted, but I thought she would have her seal broken in some accident. Please help me.
This is going to be tough, but I am going to respond as calmly as I can. I will keep this short and direct.
Vaginal openings are of varying sizes. If it is larger, it doesn’t naturally mean she has had ‘a lot of’ sex or that she had sex at all. Her hymen could have been broken in an accident.
Also, one question — sorry if I am too direct. You mentioned that you have had sex with women. Why do you think your wife should accept someone who has had sex with other women, whereas you want a virgin bride?
Whether your wife has another affair or not is another question, you have confessed that you have had affairs and continue to have affairs. So, why is the crow calling the kettle black?
Why do you have different standards of evaluation for yourself and different for your wife. Weird right?
I suggest that you visit a counsellor to put your issues at rest. You seem to be suffering from a bigoted attitude filled with patriarchy and insensitivity and would need an expert to look at the way you think. Please don’t disregard this as a sermon, but look at this as friendly advice. Please see a counsellor, so that your wife can also have a happy life with you.
I am concerned for you because with thoughts like these you are not only in the path of self destruction, you are also destroying your relationship with your partner.
p.s. There is no love like equal love.
‘My Husband Doesn’t Have Sex with Me’
This is further to another mail that I had sent you. This is regarding my husband. He doesn’t have sex with me even when I ask him to. There was a time when we had sex every day, now it is three months away. How do I solve this problem? Is he disinterested in me?
Dear Wife Waits,
Thank you for writing to me. I understand that these are intimate details and we often shy away from addressing these.
Loss in libido is not a very uncommon thing. However, it is important to address it when it starts affecting the relationship or the intimacy.
Sometimes there is a loss in libido because of some stress or tension. Sometimes it is also familiarity that breeds contempt.
There is no better solution than a hearty talk. Please speak to your partner. Ask him how he is feeling. Do not ask him rudely and keep your tone non-accusatory. Do not assume that he is disinterested in you before you give your relationship the dignity of a heart-to-heart conversation.
P.S. Tonight, sit across the dining table and just talk.
‘My Penis Is Small’
Sir mere penis ka size chota hai. And I am unable to have sex for a long time. Is this because of my small penis?
Dear Chotta Problem,
Thank you for writing to me.
Size se faraq nahi padtha. Unless, of course, it is too very small. You don’t need a massive penis to satisfy your partner. Technique bhi bahut important hota hai.
Please do visit a doctor and find out if your penis is really small or is the constant comparison just causing you more heartache and is making an issue of a non-issue.
Also, what do you mean when you say you are not able to have sex for a long time? Do you climax quickly? In that case, you need to check with a doctor if you have premature ejaculation. Doctors are the best people to answer this.
P.S. appointment le lo
. Read more on Fit by The Quint.RSS & BJP’s Nehru-Netaji ‘Cosplay’: Irony Dies a Thousand DeathsSexolve 165: ‘My Wife’s Vaginal Opening Is Huge, Is She Cheating?’ . Read more on Fit by The Quint.