As a new mom, I wanted to do everything by the book and right for my child. No shortcuts, no exceptions, no rule breaking. So, I read and read and prepared myself to the point that I have by hearted some of the rules. Like no eggs before she is 1, no honey, no spice, no salt and definitely no screen time.
As a mother of a 13 months-old-now having quit my job to take care of my baby, I feel conflicted. Did I do right by stopping my source of income? Is it even worth staying at home to take of my child when she doesn't even eat enough and doesn't gain weight?
Am I supposed to sit in my pajamas all day? When will I get time to do stuff for myself? - My exercise, My favourite TV series. Is it unfair of me to wish I could do these things when I am supposed to care for my child? What is child care anyway?
Oh my god! I’m at home yet my house looks like a dumpyard with everything strewn everywhere. I’m not doing my job right.
And then I take a deep breath, look down at my daughter and the feelings come in. She is worth it to me. Stay-at-home or working in an office, either way I'm gonna feel this way. The grass is always greener on the other side. And having been on both sides, I know.
I would want to be the other side and then feel guilty for being on the side I am on. If you feel the same, it's normal. You are human. And most importantly this too shall pass. Whatever decision you have taken, you will always second guess your choice.
The only way to be sure is by analysing what makes you happy and importantly keep you happy in front your child. If you gonna sulk and have a long face all day, all night because you are not working and mothering your child at home, go out and get to work. Be your best happy self in front of your kid because one thing I have seen is that my child does what I do. So, if I am gonna be upset all day, she will do the same. The only way and the best way to really care for your child, is to be the best version of yourself whatever you do.
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