Tea & Therapy: Gay man’s grief

Marriage in trouble

I have been married to my wife for the last five years. Over the last year, it felt like the marriage had lost its spark and didn’t feel the same. Soon after this, I lost my job and my wife was greatly bothered by this. She became very controlling over the next few months when I was looking for a job.

I tried speaking to her about it at multiple occasions, but it didn’t work out. It reached a point when I stopped paying heed to her demands. One day, she left for her mother’s house and never returned. It has been six months since, and we have not had much contact. What would be appropriate to do in this regard?

g It is important to answer this question that whether you are willing to work towards making the marriage work in the first place. Things first start with communication as that has been affected the most leading to multiple other issues.

Meet each other in person and hold conversations where both of you are actually listening to each other and understanding what led to this distance. The reasons would be apparent however, the underlying feelings that led to such drastic step could be a key to resolve the problem. Marital counselling is also a viable option that can help both of you to work things out.

Clash with companions

I am a 25-years-old, and have been experiencing issues with some friends. Over the last few months, I have been experiencing depressive symptoms due to which I have isolated myself. This leads to a significant amount of conflict every time I interact with them. I am too ashamed to talk about my symptoms and am unsure whether they will be able to understand me.

I gather from what you have mentioned that depressive symptoms at times get better of you and lead to certain actions that others might not perceive it entirely the way it appears. I also understand that it is a difficult step to take in order to narrate your symptoms to people who matter and not be apprehensive as to how well they would get you.

However, to make this process easy to begin with, you could speak to at least one of your friends who you are seemingly close to and see how that works for you.

Working with a therapist to help you learn few techniques to be able to communicate your current mental health status effectively also helps. Once the communication is done, the occurrences of conflicts also go down.

A widow’s worry

I am a 35-year-old woman, and have recently lost my husband. I have a 3-year-old daughter, which makes me worried. I am considering getting married again, but am unsure if I should go ahead with this step. What do you think is a viable option to look for so that my daughter’s well-being is taken into consideration and any decision taken doesn’t backfire?

gI am very sorry for your loss. This must be a difficult time to grieve as well as be there for your daughter, fulfilling dual parental roles. The conflict between whether to get married or not requires some consideration as you would be worried about your daughter’s well-being as well.

Discussing this conflict with your family members who understand you the most or even speaking to a psychologist about this can be a start. Working with a professional for your daughter could help understand her emotional well-being at this point as well so that making decision becomes easier. It is always better to resolve the doubts you have beforehand, so that when you enter into new phase you are more at peace with your decisions.

Gay man’s grief

I am a homosexual man, and have been experiencing some homophobia at work. People tend to make gestures or imitate my mannerisms, which frustrates me. I am apprehensive to approach my seniors as I do not know what response I would get from them, and if it would be appropriate to do so. I am quite scared of the consequences that could arise from this discussion. Kindly give advice.

Sensitivity towards various aspects in society is essential component for all of us to feel accepted, respected as well valued in the environment we live in. You are feeling frustrated as these factors aren’t in place in order to make you feel safe and secure. In times like these, standing up for yourself and voicing your unhappiness is imperative.

Your work colleagues have nothing to do with how you wish to lead your life and what life choices you make or what identity you are most comfortable with. It is appropriate to flag discriminatory behaviour at the start so that it can be curbed at the beginning rather than addressing it when things get out of hand.

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