Tea & therapy: The risky relationship

Breaking up for good?

Hi, I am 18-years old and in my final year of school. My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and will be going to different colleges next year. I want to break up with her and start fresh because I want to have fun in college and not be held back by my past.

But my girlfriend is very clingy and attached. She is also depressed and doesn’t have any friends other than me. I’m worried that she will harm herself or worse if I break up with her. I care about her but sometimes I can’t help but feel burdened by her. What should I do?

Your narration reveals how bogged down you feel with this relationship. It is important to resolve this before you leave for college as carrying forth existing stress could result into you taking drastic measures while you are away.

However you wish this situation to be resolved amicably, there might be some bad blood as there are emotions involved. Your explanations might not be well received but sugar coating things may not help either. Thus, communicating to her your honest views on the relationship is essential so as to figure out a way ahead.

Meddling mother

My mother is overprotective of me, to the extent that it has started to interfere with my life. She is very traditional and completely against dating. Recently, she found out that I had a girlfriend she didn’t know about. Ever since then, she has started monitoring my every move.

Not only did she force me to break up with my girlfriend, she is constantly paranoid that I’m doing something wrong or getting influenced by peer pressure.

She tracks my location using my phone and interrogates me every day. I have tried talking to her about these trust issues but there’s no point, she doesn’t even listen. How do I deal with this? I don’t want to lose my relationship with my mother.

Relationship with parents can get tricky when you start making independent choices which may not sit well with them. It will be a battle but something worth trying: having timely conversations about your life updates and how you are responsible for your actions.

Also, establishing few ground rules that have to be followed by both of you can help you maintain your privacy as well as have a smooth sailing relationship with your mother. Knowing what worries her the most will help you also navigate better.

The risky relationship

I met a boy online through a dating website. We have been talking for about six months now and I really like him. We live in different cities so we have only met once, last month. Recently, I heard from a mutual friend that he is not loyal to me and that he’s been with other girls all this time. When I confronted him about it, he got defensive and blamed me for being insecure and paranoid. What should I do? Please help me. I’m not able to eat or sleep properly and I’m constantly worrying about this.

I understand that trust is an important element in any given relationship and that it must have taken you some amount of time before investing your trust on to someone you have met through online dating. Verify your source of information as a lot depends on who conveys and with what intention.

Also, keeping aside your emotions for this person, look at the relationship objectively so as to find out if there are red flags that you have overlooked. This could help you understand him as a person better. Finding out the truth is important but remember, it can’t happen at the cost of your personal well being.

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Lonely and homesick

I just started my undergraduate studies at an overseas university. I’m here all alone and don’t have any friends from school who came with me. For some reason, I’m not able to make new friends either. All of them seem to be just hi-bye friends, not the type that I can hang out with. There are very few Indians here and even those seem uptight and snobbish so I don’t gel well with them. I have never had troubles making friends in the past so now I feel lonely and depressed all the time. I’m extremely homesick and am thinking about transferring to another university close to home, but I have a scholarship here and can’t afford the tuition for those colleges. What should I do?

Loneliness could result into you feeling low about a lot of things around you which otherwise you had high hopes from. Coming to the university and studying is probably your current goal and the inability to make friends is compelling you to consider alternative measures.

Begin by resolving the problem before considering a shift as the transfer would also involve major financial consideration. Since you are new to the environment it might take longer to find familiarity than expected. Start your interactions by joining clubs (drama, art, music etc.) so that you meet like- minded people and eventually develop friendship of your choice.