Tea & Therapy: Single mother’s ordeal

Sister in trouble

My brother-in-law got into a legal battle a couple of days ago and it appears quite bad. My sister got married to him one year ago and was happy with him until these events came up. She is devastated and at present living with me and our parents. I try to reason out with her that situation is bad and there’s nothing any of us can do, she yet feels we aren’t doing enough. How do I bring about an understanding of her?

- Your sister seems to be undergoing too many changes at once. Her reactions to all of you could be stemming from a place of fear and insecurity and as a defense, she could only lash out at people close to her. Bring this to her notice the next time you speak to her so that she is aware of her emotional reactions to the given situation. Often people who express their discontent in how they are dealt with can be handled by asking this question, “How can I help you?” could help. At times it is listening alone that would be needed. Your sister may not completely understand your viewpoint, however, dealing with her patiently is important.

Wrong or wise decision?

I quit my job due to constant arguments ensuing between my superior and me. It affected my mental well being a lot, to an extent that I was ready to book myself the next flight back home and never return. Even though I have quit, I often have these thoughts that maybe I should have stuck around or at least made an attempt and whether I will keep quitting if similar situations arise. How do I convince myself that my decision was correct?

- One often goes back to thinking about a certain choice made or a decision taken when it has been taken under stress or pressure. You seem to have taken the decision under immense pressure as your mental well being was at risk. You are questioning your abilities on the basis of this decision which appears as though you are being harsh on yourself. You took charge of your mental well being and took an action which doesn’t come very easily to people. Now since you are out of that environment, you can spend some time recovering and building coping mechanisms that could further aid you in handling stressful situations differently.  

Single mother’s ordeal

I delivered a baby boy four months ago out of wedlock. My boyfriend got killed in a bike accident shortly after the baby was born. We had decided to get married once the baby was born as my health was quite fragile during pregnancy. Now in his absence, and lack of support from my parents as well as his, I feel I am left all alone with the responsibilities. I don’t know a way forward. I can use some help!

- I am very sorry for your loss. I gather it must have been an ordeal to deal with the death of your boyfriend while settling in the new role of being a mother. With a lack of support from your family members, I understand it could get very lonely and responsibilities might appear to be daunting. Reaching out to a few close friends or relatives you are on good terms with could be an option. Seeking external help through a nanny to take care of the baby while you take care of other things can also be of help. Responsibilities are quite a few and I know it could get overwhelming, so talking to someone about your grief is also essential.

Future and finance

I work in a mobile repair shop as a part-time employee. There has never been a complaint against me and I do my work diligently. My interest was in engineering but due to financial constraints, I couldn’t pursue and had to settle with B. Com and work as an accountant in a small firm. I did a short course in mobile repairing and programming and thoroughly enjoyed it. I find inclined towards this more than anything else, how do I make it worthwhile and also not lose on financial security?

- It appears that your financial security is one of the important considerations made while entertaining the idea of making changes in the job profile. Your inclination towards mobile repairing and programming seems to be consistent as you don’t mind doing two jobs of such varying degrees. Your current job profile could be used as a backup as you are already aware of the nuances of this job. If you wish to enjoy your work as well as fulfill your inclination, taking a risk is pertinent. Alternatively, this transition could be made more gradual i.e. making your current job part-time so that you free up more time for your new venture.