Tea & Therapy: Terror & trauma

Helping out friend

My friend confided in me that she is facing physical violence at her house. Both her parents are instrumental in causing her pain at the slightest inconvenience she may/may not have caused. She came to college with a bruise on her arm which was alarming. I don’t know how to take this further as she seems to be quite fragile at the moment. She refuses to speak to anyone else at the moment. What can be done?

Hearing that your friend is hurting could be quite disturbing which in turn makes you take an action or at least do something for her. In cases like these, involve some adult (your parents, college authorities) who could be an added support. But this needs to be done after you have discussed the importance of your action.

Physical abuse is a reportable offense; you could also speak to your friend about taking the legal route if initial conversations aren’t paid any heed by her parents. Taking an action against unjust treatment is important so as to stop the violence. You can lend her emotional support along with these guidelines as she might feel quite scared and vulnerable.

Unpunctual joinee

I have been working at this convenience store after my college hours for the last two years. It pays for my college fees and other expenses that come up every month. I work in the evening shift for around five hours each day. They have recently hired a new boy who is a year younger to me. I have already taught him the basics and what work needs to be divided between us. He however is quite unreliable and not punctual. Since our boss leaves before we do he is unaware about his behaviour. I am really fed up of this but am afraid that speaking up will result in me losing the job and I really need it.

You seem to be caught up in a classical dilemma of whether to suffer in silence or to bear the brunt after speaking up. In the given scenario, it is important to strike a conversation with your boss and make him aware about the new employee’s behaviour towards work.

It will not only help you convey your issues with him but also convey a message that despite you doing your job of teaching and delegating, work gets affected due to the employee’s attitude. And if you have never had an issue with the work place earlier and have been honest in your work, there are higher chances of you being heard.  

Sure but not sure

I completed my MBA in Finance from a recognized university few months ago. I was selected for a company in France during campus interviews. The notion of going to France was quite exhilarating. I am set of leave next week and have noticed that I am quite edgy. I want to go but at the same time its unsettling feeling that gnaws at me. I am this close to cancelling the plan and finding something here instead. What should I do?

I hear your concerns that have cropped up as the day of departure is closer. The idea of working in a different country could be a mix of both excitement as well as dread. There are going to be a lot of changes as well as newer things to explore.

It is important to understand whether this unsettling feeling is stemming from the fear of unknown or is it to do with the fact that you are going be leaving behind a sense of familiarity. It often happens that when one has to leave the comfort and familiarity and there is uncertainty revolving around the new environment, anxiety builds up.

Break this plan for yourself so that you understand what made you take up this opportunity in the first place. Once that is clear, you will have a calmer approach towards this decision.

Terror and trauma

Last week when I was travelling back home from work, I was catcalled outside the metro station by a group of young boys. I initially froze but within few seconds started moving quickly to fetch a ride home. I kept thinking about this incidence all the way back home and also the next day when I was heading to work. Yesterday I woke up to a nightmare of being chased and since then the fear has come back. I don’t feel like going to work as it involves travelling. Please help.

I am sorry to hear that you experienced something so uncomfortable which has resulted in you being unsettled. It was an unfortunate incident and the fear you are experiencing would take some time to assuage. One approach to deal with this fear is to not let it dictate your actions i.e. not let it impact your daily activities.

It might sound easier said than done, but the action is what will help you not succumb to the fear. In case something similar happens in the same or a different setting, reaching out to local police help could also help. Vigilance and prompt action are two important elements in situations like these.

http://anjalichhabria.com MINDTEMPLE