That thing called love: Life coach Viveck Shettyy discusses how you can maneuver the chaos of relationships

Relationships today, more than ever before, have become more of an entanglement rather than enrichment. Precious human energy is spent either in pursuing a relationship or avoiding one. This very energy could be better utilised in elevating this one life to a higher orbit.

The chaos on the planet, in more ways than one, is also the chaos in relationships. So where exactly do we go wrong? Well, first and foremost the idea of two people trying to become one is a fantastic one, but usually scant attention is paid to the process. We must make a sincere attempt to understand the dynamics and mechanics that govern relationships before we arrive upon our goals. We ourselves keep changing and evolving with time, but we expect our partner to remain a constant and unchanged. We expect them to retain all qualities exactly the way they had it may be a decade ago. This is humanly not possible, because by their very nature, humans are constantly evolving. No evolution means stagnation. Every relationship must be understood as a variable and not as a constant. Once this realisation dawns upon us, chances are that more often than not, our relationships would be an exuberant and joyous experience.

It is equally important to understand that we can only give what we have. We cannot give something that we don't have. So to give love, we have to manufacture love all the time. We have to be loving deep within ourselves irrespective of who is there or not there at the other end. If we examine love closely, we would realise that it is essentially an inner experience. The individual at the other end, merely creates the environment for that inner experience. So what we experience within us, is something that we can manufacture on our own. We can choose to be loving all the time, so that when the opportunity presents itself, we are full of love. Failing which, it might be like two beggars falling in love while each one is thinking that the other one is the Emperor.

In a relative world, let us not make an attempt to seek relationships on absolute terms. All our likes and dislikes are relative experiences. A cat coming into a jungle may be bad news for the rat, but good news for the lion. The lion would recognise that at least breakfast is ready for tomorrow morning, if not lunch or dinner. The lion likes the cat, the rat hates it. Our likes and dislikes are our relative psychological truths. On the basis of our relative truths which keep changing over a period of time, we make the mistake of reaching absolute conclusions in relationships. If we continue to live with our psychological truths, the universe will keep us restless. If you observe life closely, you would notice that a vast majority of people are restless. The one who is in a relationship is also restless and so is the one who is not. Even the carpenter is restless when he goes to bed and so is the minister. It has nothing to do with money, power and position. We have simply failed to understand life.

During my personal counselling sessions as a Life Coach, especially to young individuals, who have just come out of a bitter break up, I have very often noticed that after breaking up with one partner, eventually they find another partner in a few months. But what was striking was that the new partner had the same qualities as the previous one, only the name had changed! Our life in more ways than one is like a radio set. Whatever the broadcast in our life, essentially we are tuned to that frequency, vibration and energy and hence the broadcast. Until we change the energy, frequency and vibration at which we operate life, the same type of people will keep coming back in our lives, only their names will change. Until, we change the energy, frequency and vibration at which we operate life, the same type of incidents will keep repeating themselves, only the time and place will change. Transformation in life and relationships depends on transformation of energy.

What we do, depends on what we think. What we think depends on what we feel. What we feel, depends on the emotion prevailing within our body at that moment. Emotion, if you split the E and the motion, is nothing but energy in motion. So if we change the energy flow, it changes the prevailing emotion. The emotion in turn changes the feeling. The change in feeling alters the thinking. The new thinking produces new action and thereby a whole new life. An interesting example from our daily lives would be our cooking gas apparatus — the fire that cooks your food can also burn your house. All that is needed is a change in direction. In our various modules, we offer specific guided exercises that alter the energy flow and thereby the very life within an individual.

(The writer is a Life Coach, Yogi and a Mystic. You can follow him on Instagram @ viveckshettyy. Reach him on