Wedding Wows 2019: Before you say I do

Many young couples who are on the brink of their new life together feel quite lost with the responsibilities and changes that come with marriage. However, if both partners keep certain dos and don’ts in mind, the transition could become relatively smoother.

For any relationship to thrive a strong foundation is essential. Communication with your partner is one of the building blocks. This means honest and transparent conversation with each other regarding individual thoughts, feelings, emotions, expectations from self and your partner, expectations from future, goals and ambitions. In times of difficulties talk it out!

Always remember your partner has his/her own individuality to take care of as well. Thus, giving each other that space to be yourselves is important. It is alright to have different interests and pursue them individually.

In today’s day and age it gets difficult to take time out and spend it doing mundane tasks (watching a show together, taking a walk, cooking together etc.). But these mundane moments help immensely in connecting with each other. It is little things done here and there despite time constraints for each other that count.

There will be times when ugly fights could result in mean and rude things being said to each other. Owning up that both of you need to put in efforts to work out a fight is essential. Apologise when it is your fault and do not demand an apology when you feel your partner is at fault. Discuss how both of you can improve your communication in times of fights so that there is minimum damage done.

Talk about money and sex! Both are important aspects in a marriage. A couple which is comfortable sharing their insecurities with respect to money, ambitions and plans as well as their views on sex and intimacy is far happier. Often financial decisions sour the best of relations thus, addressing your concerns initially definitely has a better chance at being resolved.

Your relationship is always going to be different from anyone else around you. Thus, the expectations set also need to be within your and your partner’s reach. Comparisons of any sorts in a relationship are indicators of discord. Hence, focus on deriving happiness in things that you both indulge in together.

Being in a marriage also entails consulting each other before making important decisions that could have an impact on both of you. Help your partner in vocalising their thoughts on pertinent matters so that a sense of taking on responsibilities exists.

Spending quality time with each other’s family is another building block. You get to know your partner through the eyes of family members as well. You bond independently and that’s essential as your interactions post marriage is going to be consistent. In India there is still prevalence of matching horoscopes before marriages. I would recommend a medical check-up as well before entering into an alliance. This helps understand the possible risk factors that are physical as well as mental health related and awareness about your partner’s overall well being. Hiding or lying about one’s health results into hurt, pain and mistrust when it is out in open.

Discussing your personal belief systems as well as value systems also helps in establishing a better understanding of each other. Choosing each other as life partners doesn’t automatically imply that you need to adapt to your partner’s choices or beliefs completely. If you are not okay with some of their beliefs voice it in a way that isn’t offensive yet implying that you do not adhere to them. The aim of marriage isn’t to mirror each other. It is to complement each other and yet maintain your own individuality.

Asking difficult questions is another effective communication tool. Do you believe in monogamy? Is staying away from your parents going to be extremely difficult choice for you? Do you want kids? Do you plan on saving now and enjoying later in life? Or live to the fullest as and how there is money and time available?

Show love and affection to your partner when possible, take time off your schedule to do little things that mean a lot to each other, encourage each other to pursue the dreams, support them in their good times and bad times equally, help keep each other grounded and in check with your inner self, use words like ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ when the situation demands without taking your partner for granted.

Marriage becomes a fun process if the responsibilities that come with it are handled not by cribbing but by viewing them as building blocks. With love, care, nurture and trust this could result into a blissful relationship of your life! MINDTEMPLE

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