What To Do If You're No Longer Feeling Attracted To Your Partner

Kelsey Borresen
Therapists reveal the common causes of a dip in physical, emotional or sexual attraction in a marriage or relationship.

In the early days of your romantic relationship, you may have felt magnetically drawn to your partner. The conversations were stimulating, their little quirks made them even more endearing, and you just couldn’t keep your hands off each other. 

But to assume you can easily sustain those feelings year after year is wishful thinking.

“In long-term relationships, it’s not uncommon for attraction amongst partners to dissipate,” Nazanin Moali, a Los Angeles-based sex therapist and host of the podcast “Sexology,” told HuffPost. “We take for granted that just because we were attracted to our partner once, the same attraction will stay forever without effort.”

Below, therapists explain why a loss of attraction happens, what to do when it does and how to know if the spark in your relationship can be salvaged or not. 

Why People Become Less Attracted Over Time

A loss of attraction can happen for any number of reasons in a long-term partnership. We asked therapists to reveal some of the most common causes.

You’ve become bored with each other. 

Stability and security are important ingredients in a healthy long-term relationship, but getting too comfortable with each other can make the partnership feel predictable and stale. 

“As human beings, we are wired to like and crave novelty,” Moali said. “The feeling of too much familiarity with a partner might negatively impact our attraction towards them.”

You have unresolved resentment.

Relationship conflicts — whether they’re about money, infidelity, sexparenting decisions, family drama or unequal division of household responsibilities — can breed resentment if not worked through in a fair, respectful manner.

″[It] makes you feel distant from or angry at your partner and translates to decreased attraction,” said Samantha Rodman, a psychologist in North Bethesda, Maryland.

You stop interacting like romantic partners.

It’s all too easy for busy couples to slip into taskmaster mode and stay there, rarely stopping to nurture the romantic side of the relationship. Instead of sharing a kiss and catching up after the workday, they’re focused on...

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